2… and… 1 – we have lift-off! Thanks to my clever sister’s patience and hard work, the Kindle edition of Mud & Marriage is out now – phew! I have a slightly fuzzy head due to a few glasses of Prosecco to celebrate last night, but I am very happy indeed to be out electronically. You can now buy it from Amazon.co.uk.
Valentine’s Day is here and lovely Mr Clark gave me some chocolates and I gave him some meat products (no,I wasn’t wearing them), so we’re both happy. We’ve just have just had a very challenging Bananagrams game, so Mr Clark has gone for a lie down as he has to be fit for his Deckchairs gig tonight at the Queens Arms in Reading – on the same bill as Peter and the Test Tube Babies. I will be going along (with earplugs, I want to try at least to save what is left of my hearing after having been in a loud band myself all those years ago). I’ll probably wear a badge that says ‘sorry I can’t hear you’ and take along a notebook. I remember taking a notebook out with me once when I had lost my voice. I made a heading saying ‘I have lost my voice’ and wrote what I wanted to say. It worked really well, but the strange thing was, people wrote back to me on the notepad rather than speaking to me – a bit odd, but effective. I still have the notepad from that evening and it makes interesting reading.
It’s not that I don’t like the music, I do, especially the song that goes … ‘baby … have you ever been to Bracknell oo-a-oo-a-oo’, but I just don’t want to go mutton just yet. Mr Clark has been downloading sound effects onto pedals for the gig; I might miss the Charles Hawtrey one where he says gently ’ooh I do feel queer’ but I expect I will hear the scream, the siren and the explosion, as I don’t think even earplugs could keep them out.
Right then – time to put my PVC trousers on.
Kindle edition of Mud & Marriage arranged, formatted and uploaded by Kate Northover
If you want to have a listen to the Deckchairs you can here (parental guidance lyrics!): https://soundcloud.com/the-deckchairs-1/zombie-attack
The bubbly is chilling in the fridge waiting for the launch of the Kindle version of Mud & Marriage, and will be popping its cork soon, as will I.
My talented sis Kate Northover has been at it again (design-wise I mean) and has made a splendid job of getting the pages ready and putting them in the right order – who knew what was involved? So the countdown begins 10…9…8… ‘shping’- hold on a minute, that’ll be my phone. It’s my sister; she’s coming over so we can make some final adjustments to my ‘front matter’. I did get a Nokia Lumia 635 and am whizzing away nicely now thanks for asking. Apparently I can download an app on my phone to be able to read the Kindle book.
7…6…5…’ping’- that’s my phone again. My friend Sue has just put a picture of me on Facebook from the 1980s with very big hair; I look moody, I expect I was trying to look moody, although that is the trouble with my face – it either looks quite cross in repose or otherwise it looks as if I have done something really naughty, no expressions in-between. It’s a problem. Don’t be fooled by my online face, I had to try really hard to look normal.
4… Ah here’s my sister. We just have to tear Mr Clark away from Salvage Hunters long enough to give us a hand with some html code, and that might take a while. We’ll have to wait until he gets to an episode that he’s already seen. Mr Clark is an expert in code, especially at the moment as he has an ’orrible code in the dose, boom boom. (Yes, I know .. I know). Poor Mr Clark, all rugged up on the sofa, festooned in tissues with his mug of blackcurrant Lemsip. Blackcurrant Lemsip? Now that is a perplexing paradox or is it a misnomer? It could even be an oxymoron.
3… I’ll get the glasses out ready.
Book cover design by Kate Northover.
Should I get an iPhone? I’ve been putting it off. Whizzing touchscreens scare me. I had one a while ago but had to give it to my sister as I kept calling people by mistake. Mr Clark says that I am a Luddite and technophobe – charming. Things are moving on so quickly, I’ve been left behind and now I can’t be arsed to keep up. I went into the Vodafone shop in Reading recently for some help and the young chap serving me couldn’t be arsed to help me catch up either. He was drumming his fingers on the desk and looking around for something more interesting to look at. His attention was lost while I was confused about megabytes and why I would need so many of them – so what now? If it wasn’t for Mr Clark I would probably turn into Catweazle and go and live in a treehouse in the woods with my tellingbone.
Mr Clark has now got a car camera which records his journey. Apparently it records sound too. I have been sticking my fingers up in front of it and saying outrageous things in case it gets played back. He pointed to the little screen and said to me ‘look, now you can see where you’re going’.
If Mr Clark suddenly lost his memory, I would be stuffed. He deals with all the technical things like internet banking, error codes on the boiler and strange messages that pop up on my computer. I hope he doesn’t. Maybe I should build a treehouse just in case.
Today I have been looking at the Vodafone website and wondering about the Nokia Lumia 635. That’s as far as it got, because then I couldn’t be arsed and wrote this instead. Now I’m going to sit somewhere nice and comfortable and read a book. You won’t be surprised to learn that I haven’t yet bought a Kindle, but for those you have, the Kindle version of my book Mud and Marriage – A Housebuilding Adventure will be out soon on Amazon.co.uk – watch this space.
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